Today is the 25th anniversary of my first marriage. This, apparently, is a big deal to me. It actually inspired me enough to write a blog. (And lately, that hasn’t been an easy task.)
To know me is to know that I am not nostalgic about my first marriage. It was a terrible marriage. I should NEVER have stayed in it as long as I did. I don’t regret the marriage. My sons, who mean the absolute world to me, would never have come into this world if my ex and I had not battled it out in the name of love for over ten years. But the marriage in itself was miserable more often than not and as was a terrible example for my sons. I am very lucky that my second marriage is to a man who has taught my sons so much about what it really means to be a man. They are both kind, loving people who treat women with respect, in no small part to my husband. But 25 years is a long time, right?
My ex and I never talk. We just don’t need to. We don’t have young children together anymore, so its not mandatory. We’ve been divorced nearly 15 years, and I’ve been remarried for almost 13. He has married and divorced two more women since me. We’re long removed from our squabbles. But we don’t like to push it, so we keep communication to a minimum. Needless to say, I was quite surprised to receive a text from him this afternoon acknowledging our anniversary. We marveled briefly over how young we were and what great boys we made. He took a rare opportunity to praise me and thanked me for doing a good job in raising them.
Our wedding day truly seems like a lifetime ago. Seriously, it was 25 years ago, people. My god, I wasn’t even 25 years old yet. Hell, I wasn’t even quite yet 20. But I thought I knew EVERYTHING. And we were READY. Yeah, we weren’t ready. We were both a couple of kids, and he was an ANGRY kid. Then we had kids. It was a recipe for disaster. But we played house for a while. It had its fun moments. In honor of those two kids who got married 25 years ago today, I will save the diatribes on the dark parts of our marriage for later. There – that was a little bit of nostalgia. And as I reread this paragraph, it suddenly doesn’t seem like that long ago. But 25 years is a LONG time, right?